On Gender

The social lives of men and women are not quite the same here as they are in the States. I warn the reader not to assume what I write is true for all Ghanain men or all Ghanain women, just as there is no one single American male or female persona. It is very clear that in many ways men come before women here, or at least men have more power. Well, that's not such a big shock... I'd say most places in the world are like this. First of all, men are a lot more present in social settings. (Most) Street performers are men. (Most) Beggars are men. (More) people at a bar or a club are male instead of female. When I went to the reggae party on the beach Wednesday, it was almost entirely male. The majority of the women were foreign women. The few Ghanain women were sitting at tables, drinking and chatting.

I don't want to portray the African woman as a timid and meek creature... that would be wrong. But I think the women here have been socialized to be less outgoing than the American women. I'm sure both have had the idea of "the woman belongs in the home" presented to them throughout their whole lives, but the American woman has also heard the idea of "independent woman," "girl power," and "working girl," ideas that might not be as familiar or as possible for a Ghanain woman. What first led me to notice this was how a lot of Ghanain men act towards the foreign girls here. It is not uncommon for an obruni girl to get a marriage proposal from a Ghanaian man within the first week, possibly even the first day of their meeting. We've been informed by the NYU staff that this is common practice, and most men don't mean harm by it. For some, it's a way of asking for a date. For others, it's an attempt at getting to live in America. For others, it's a friendly joke. And still for others, it's a way of trying to get some action. Either way, what I've heard from a lot of the NYU girls on this trip is that the guys can be a little aggressive. A little too touchy feely and a little too intensely personal upon first meeting. Girls are getting text messages from guys they met once that say things like, "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I love you. I know we should be together forever." One girl has already received eight marriage proposals. I've been approached by guys who say to me, "Hey, your sister is beautiful. Can I have her?"

I have thought of and discussed a few possible explanations for this behavior. (Realize I don't intend to judge anyone, simply because no one can help the way they've been socialized in this world). One explanation may definitely be that white girls are exotic to the Ghanains. They are different, exciting, rich, gorgeous, like nothing they have experienced before. These aren't the girls next door; they are the girls across the ocean. These aren't the girls these men grew up with; they are the girls these men found tipsy on the beach one night in those foreign clothes with that foreign hair and that foreign accent and that foreign bank account and that foreign skin and so on and so on. As I've already mentioned before, Ghanains seem to be excited about foreigners. (We in the US are not quite as welcoming to foreigners, so if you are there, reorient yourself a bit).

So that's one explanation. Another one I thought of, however, which may play a bigger or a smaller role, is the difference in the way Ghanain and American girls act. Ghanain women don't seem to approach guys unless they are prostitutes. Ghanain women often try not to make any eye contact with me when I walk down the street, whereas the men almost always do. Ghanain women don't talk as much when I've been in mixed groups of men and women, unless the woman is of a motherly age, 40+ let's say. This is totally not the American girl, especially the kind of American girl that decides to come to Ghana. American women for the most part feel safe to approach guys, or at least as safe as guys feel to approach them. American women are generally just as social in random encounters as men. American women certainly talk just as much if not more than guys in mixed gender settings. Therefore, maybe American girls just come off as slutty to Ghanain men because of their outgoing nature. Maybe American girls seem easy. And of course, maybe Ghanain men are just more interested in a night of fun with an American girl than with a Ghanain girl... save the Ghanain girls for marriage, American for fun.

As I said, I am not judging, only pointing out differences. I should also warn that I haven't been here so long. These are just some thoughts I am beginning to form and which I will have to update in the future. Perhaps the next four months will validate these observations or perhaps I will realize I was completely wrong. One interesting note, though one that will be elaborated in a further blog, is that homosexual men are also a lot more forward about their propositions than in the US. I have not received any proposals, but apparently a few guys on this trip have, one of them several, and they seemed pretty straightforward.

Man: So are we going to do it?

NYU student: Do what?

Man: Have sex.

****

(The two are in a crowded bar)

Man: Come out here, I have something to show you.

NYU student: What is it?

Man: No, just come out here.

NYU student: Why can't you just show me here?

Man: Because it's down here (points to crotch).

More to come on homosexuality later.